yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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