I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
