'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
