dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Let's get the cat blown out
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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