just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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