k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.