operation harelip BJ is a go
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
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weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
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Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay