i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.