I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
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I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
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What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool