Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.