then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
