Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
