Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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