wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
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We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
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My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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