I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
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when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
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I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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