My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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