I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
