OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
