I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
