my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
