so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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