she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
