yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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