How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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