Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
