It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
