If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
