I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
