She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
