My cat gives me a boner
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
