There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i wish my penis had a tongue
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
