If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
