why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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