So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
