I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good