i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
3pm strippers are depressing
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
