Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
