Midget sex pt 2 tonight
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
