so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
