once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
