My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
