Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
