dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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