Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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