she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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