What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
he's gonorrhea incarnate
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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