Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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