Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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