Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
