So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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