i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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