I wish I could teleport
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
