The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
