I can tuck mytits in my pants
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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