i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
