yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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