tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
