Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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