I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
