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That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
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