the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.