dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?