Texts From Last Night

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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.

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  (803): I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer. http://tfl.nu/7z73
  Replies (2) Good night (825) Bad night (1075)
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  (818): View more from California

  Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.

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  (818): Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ? (770): I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no. http://tfl.nu/wmyv
  Replies (14) Good night (2098) Bad night (907)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.

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  (713): never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea. http://tfl.nu/cq0m
  Replies (24) Good night (1221) Bad night (4179)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?

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  (215): Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence? http://tfl.nu/hkha
  Replies (23) Good night (1864) Bad night (5292)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.

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  (231): You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me. http://tfl.nu/n997
  Replies (15) Good night (4800) Bad night (1228)
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  (310): View more from California

  His dick was poking my bladder. That big...

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  (310): His dick was poking my bladder. That big... http://tfl.nu/xupw
  Replies (34) Good night (7803) Bad night (1534)
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  (247): View more from

  Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.

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  (247): Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me. http://tfl.nu/wk5w
  Replies (11) Good night (1060) Bad night (4465)
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  (415): View more from California

  i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.

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  (415): i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things. http://tfl.nu/f722
  Replies (1) Good night (2380) Bad night (981)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.

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  (616): You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races. http://tfl.nu/trt2
  Replies (6) Good night (2988) Bad night (1110)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.

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  (316): Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth. http://tfl.nu/ew3b
  Replies (8) Good night (1123) Bad night (3570)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.

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  (646): Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout. http://tfl.nu/vj0i
  Replies (6) Good night (4204) Bad night (850)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.

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  (360): My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals. http://tfl.nu/t5jb
  Replies (19) Good night (3984) Bad night (1017)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends

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  (309): My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends http://tfl.nu/blvs
  Replies (3) Good night (1434) Bad night (526)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"

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  (410): Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men" http://tfl.nu/o2lw
  Replies (1) Good night (529) Bad night (398)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.

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  (678): By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options. http://tfl.nu/d9kl
  Replies (4) Good night (458) Bad night (115)

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