it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The best revenge is premature balding
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...