When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.