he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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