I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think a kid would responsible me up
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
