Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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