If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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