My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
