JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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